101 Ways to Annoy The Akatsuki
by Revynant
Summary: The title is self explanatory. I am not responsible for any injuries or deaths that occur upon executing the actions in this list.


1) Play 'Coming Undone' by Korn for Kakuzu. When the song ends, immediately follow it up with 'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion. Proceed to ask him if either of these songs touch any of his hearts.

2) Tell them that you ship Zetsu X Kisame.

3) Lace Zetsu's food with weed killer.

4) Call Tobi a bad boy.

5) Use Deidara's clay to jam the screws/cogwheels in Sasori's puppets.

6) Make Konan turn into paper, then use her to draw yaoi of the other Akatsuki members.

7) Ask Pein if his piercings pick up radio signals.

8) Make Zetsu eat salad.

9) Make Kisame eat sharkfin soup.

10) Ask Itachi "How many fingers am I holding up?"

11) Dye Deidara's hair blue and Konan's blonde and see how many people mistake one for the other.

12) Tell Sasori that he looks just like his parents.

13) Replace the standard cloak with pink leather cutoff jackets that have each Akatsukis birth village symbol embroidered on the back.

14) Paint each fingernail of the Jinchuriki alter according to each members nail color.

15) Say you caught the Ninetails, then show them your Pokemon game.

16) Replace Hidan's hair gel with Nair hair removal.

17) Use the cave to host a rave party and invite all Konoha shinobi as well as Orochimaru and his gang.

18) Ask Kakuzu if you can use one of his tendrils to patch up a hole in your clothes and somehow manage to take one when he says no.

19) Use the tendril you took to sew the mouth on Deidara's face shut. When everyone asks why you did it, tell them you wanted to see if you could get the mouths on his hands to talk.

20) Replace Hidan's scythe with a foam replica.

21) Give Tobi the real scythe and tell him its a new brand of snowboard.

22) Use the Akatsukis finances to purchase yaoi.

23) Put the KakuHida merchandise under Hidan's bed.

24) Steal Kakuzu's wallet.

25) Put the wallet under Hidan's bed, then tell Kakuzu that you saw Hidan put it there. Wait for all hell to break loose.

26) Put the Kisame x Zetsu yaoi under Tobi's bed.

27) Put the Itachi x Sasuke yaoi _on_ Itachi's bed.

28) Get Konan addicted to yaoi.

29) Show Pein a Konan genderbend.

30) Call Zetsu's black side 'Black Milk' and his white side 'Vanilla Ice'. (Those are actual names of rappers, btw.)

31) Give Deidara's severed arm to Zetsu.

32) Dress Deidara in drag, take pictures of him, and laugh when you show the pics to people and they say, "Whoa, she's hot."

33) Ask Kisame if his mom slept with the fishes.

34) Ask Sasori to make dolls of him and Deidara for you, then put them in suggestive positions.

35) Purchase that one painting of a single red dot on a white canvas that sold for thousands. Show it to Sasori and Deidara and tell them that its art.

36) Push Konan into the lake outside the cave.

37) Use Peins' piercings for candles on a birthday cake.

38) Hold a rag up to Hidan's nose and ask him if it smells like chloroform. After he passes out, put him in bed with Kakuzu.

39) If that last one isn't enough, put their bodies in suggestive positions.

40) Compare the Akatsuki to the Legion of Doom.

41) Try to get Orochimaru back into the group.

42) Ask Kakuzu if his tendrils serve any purposes besides medical ones, then wink and wriggle your eyebrows like a creeper.

43) End every sentence with 'In my pants."

44) Be a religious fanatic like Hidan, but preach Scientology and try to force aluminum foil caps on people while screaming about how 'they' are watching you and how 'they' will destroy us all.

45) Tell them all that they are about as heterosexual as unicorns that shit rainbow colored cookies.

46) Question how Deidara manages to wipe his own ass.

47) Ask Sasori if he misses getting wood.

48) Go up to Nagato and make wheelchair jokes.

49) Get Kakuzu to tell you the story of how he went to prison and what it was like in there. While he's asleep that night, install iron bars around the windows and his bed. When he wakes and asks what the fuck is going on, tell him that he sounded like he missed the view.

50) Give Deidara's clay to Tobi. Tell him it's Play-Doh.

51) Tell them that the organization is just one big reverse harem.

52) Put Itachi into a circular room and tell him to sit in the corner.

53) On the anniversary of Yahiko's passing, sing 'Only The Good Die Young' to Pein/Nagato and or Konan.

54) Replace Hidan's necklace with a cross on a string.

55) Grind up some viagra and put some in every mans drink before they go out on a mission.

56) Try to sell Kisame to science.

57) At dinner, ask Hidan how he first found that he enjoyed masturbating with spikes.

58) Ask Kisame why he carries around a giant tampon.

59) Try to convince everyone that Konan has breast implants.

60) Get Hidan a bible for christmas.

61) Ask Itachi why he willingly let his younger brother, whom he claims to care for, go to a sinister, mentally disturbed, possibly pedophilic snake man who blatantly says he wants Sasuke's body.

62) On a mission, if one of them gets knocked down in your presence, yell their name 3 times. Make sure the 3rd yell is long and loud, and do it every time. If you can, do this while hiding and skulking around in a cardboard box.

63) When everyone is gathered and just chilling out, suddenly run up with a 2 swords and cut off Hidan's head. As they sit in stunned silence, look them all in the eyes and then shout "Are you not entertained?!"

64) Fill the cave with bats and call it the Bat Cave.

65) Ask Konan if the carpet matches the drapes.

66) Tell Nagato he looks fat.

67) Tape Tobi to the wall and use his face/mask as a dartboard.

68) Introduce them to rule 34.

69) Tell Kakuzu he would be a great character for a hentai.

70) Come in on a wrecking ball. Not like, _on. _

71) Tell Pein that his eyes remind you of a lizards for 2 reasons; they bulge out awkwardly and have a ringed pattern about them.

72) Constantly make videogame/movie/internet culture references.

73) Teach Tobi how to play 'Knock Knock'. Go through the steps of the game and after he says "Who's there?", say "Punch me in the face". When he says "Punch me in the face," slug him in the face before he can say 'who'. When he or anyone asks why you did it, say "It had a good punchline."

74) Mimic everyone but exaggerate their personalities.

75) Tell them that joining a rebellion group because you had a fucked up past is too mainstream.

76) Join the group, take the hat, and leave.

77) Speak in Morse code.

78) Tell Zetsu that he looks like a rejected Tim Burton character.

79) Purposefully bump into everyone and everything, then blame Itachi for rubbing his blindness off on you.

80) Ask them if wearing nail polish and jewelry makes them feel pretty.

81) Ask Sasori if he gets termites instead of lice.

82) Tell them what their names mean in English, then only call them by their translated names.

83) Try to drown Kisame.

84) Put laxatives in everyones food and clog all the toilets in the cave except for one. Then question how they were able to put fully functional bathrooms in a cave.

85) Claim that Kakuzu's headdress thing is a turban and tell everyone that he is muslim. (Not that there's a problem with that.)

86) Tell Pein that you shall be the god of the new world.

87) Call Kakuzu the lovechild of Slenderman and Frankenstein.

88) Ask Deidara if the mouths on his hands eat something, does the fat go to his arms rather than his hips.

89) Damn Hidan to heaven.

90) Write fanfiction about them, then read it aloud at a meeting.

91) Tell Nagato that putting part of himself into his dead friend makes him a necrophiliac.

92) Throw all of their belongings on the ground.

93) Try to convince Kakuzu to pay for hotel rooms with only one bed because it's cheaper.

94) Ask Itachi if he goes home for the holidays.

95) Become a lawyer for the akatsuki, then learn ballet. When in court, proceed to dance around the point.

96) Refer to Sasori as The Red Headed Stepchild.

97) Put a YMCA banner over the cave entrance.

98) Tell Tobi that you know that he is Obito, then ask why he decided to assemble a group of elite ninja to use as pawns in a war for a dead bitch that liked his supposed best friend. (Seriously, a world war over poontang? C'mon, man.)

99) Take them on a fishing trip, but always drop the bass.

100) Get angry and quit the group. Go on to make your own organization and call it Ikustaka, and hire people who have personalities opposite of all Akatsuki. Use your group to counteract all the Akatsuki does. When they discover your plan, run like hell.

101) Write a list like this and use it against the group.


End file.
